I have been married for 15 years today. 15 years to the same man. When thinking about this day, December 17, I can't help but reminisce on all the past anniversaries we have shared. Last year we went to a hotel in Salt Lake City and to a really expensive restaurant. Then we went back to the room, drank a bottle of wine and watched TV. (My kids are going to read this). 6 years ago, Matt had just gotten out of the hospital, just diagnosed with a kidney disease. It was a somber one, but we went out anyway. We went to the movies and then called it a night. 4 years ago when our anniversary rolled around we had been fighting, constantly, for like 3 months. And my husband bought me the most beautiful anniversary ring. I still wear it everyday. When he gave it to me he said, "I know we've been fighting. But I love you. It's going to be alright."
Love is like that. There are hard times. Sometimes it seems like there are more hard times that carefree ones. There are sicknesses, and financial hardships. There are fights and anxieties and depression. There are busy times, business trips, and nights spent working late. There are disagreements over just about anything. There are personality conflicts, pet peeves, little annoyances, and nagging. I can remember one time I hung up some of Matt's pants, and I didn't do it very neatly. I was in a hurry and I didn't even hang up my own jeans -who hangs up their jeans?- but here I was hanging up my husbands. I had two toddlers pulling on my leg and a million other things to do. Getting the creases just right was not on the top of my priority list. Matt comes home, sees the wrinkles in his clothes and says, "If you're going to do laundry, you should do it right." I didn't do his laundry for about a month. And then he apologized and I minded my creases from there on out.
Love is about forgiveness and forbearance. On our wedding day so long ago, I could not imagine a day when I would not like my husband. He was my Prince Charming. He was handsome and funny and smart and boisterous and all around amazing. He brought so much laughter into my existence, I was sure ours would be the love story for the ages. Never a fight, except about who loved the other one more. Never a dull moment. Never time spent apart- how could we bear it? If you have just been married, you might relate. If you have been married for any length of time you are laughing right now. Because that is not real love. That is a hologram of what real love is. Real love says, I know your faults, I have shown you mine. I will not leave you, I will not shut you out. I will humble myself again, and again, and again. When my pride wants to protect my heart, I will freely give it to you. When you hurt me, I will forgive you, no matter how hard it might be. When I hurt you, I will try to do better. I will stay when everyone else leaves.
I love my husband. He is not Prince Charming but he is a wonderful man and he is mine. I could not imagine a more incredible person to spend my days and nights with. When he is gone, I miss him, most of the time. I wouldn't want to fight with anyone else. There is no one else who knows all my insecurities. There is no other person I want to share the ups and downs of life with. So on this, our 15th wedding anniversary, I want to toast to 60 more, or however long we have. From this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. I love you Matt.
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