Sins of the Mothers

My kids are extraordinary.  They really are.  Each one of them is so different from the rest, such little individuals even from birth.  The credit I take in this is that I have not totally screwed them up.  Parenting is like that.  Bad parents scar you.  Good parents let you be who God made you to be. But the longer I parent them, the more I realize that my children do bear little scars, little character flaws and I am ashamed to admit they look remarkably like my own.

My oldest, Jaden, is a people pleaser.  He lives for the approval of others.  He dresses in a way that other people will like.  He won't allow himself to do things that he fears other people will laugh at.  If you tell him you liked the way he did something, he will do it that way again and again and again. I wish I could convince him that his value is intrinsic.  He is a worthwhile, fantastic 10 year old because HE is Jaden Delon.  But I remember when I was  trying, striving to do anything that would increase my value in the eyes of others. I remember starving myself because I was sure that being skinny would increase my net-worth.

Cael worries. A lot.  He is sure the world's end is just around the corner. Cael, like his mother before him, is under the assumption that if he worries enough about a situation then he can control it. This hypothesis has never proved itself to be true but we worry none the less. I remember when he was 6 he had a fixed lymph node on his groin.  We went to get it x-rayed, just in case.  I was secretly holding my breath while assuring Cael it was no big deal.  When the doctor told us the news, that it was JUST a fixed lymph node, Cael exhaled. "So, does this mean that I don't have cancer.  Because that is what I am really worried about."  Aaagghhh! Now I have another reason to worry.  Now I worry that my son worries to much. 

Owen is his father's child.  Strengths, faults, so far those are all Matt. For example as a little boy Matt hit his dad over the head with a 2 by 4.  And last week Owen swung at his brother with an axe. His father's child.  But I am sure as he grows more, I will see things about him that I hate about me.

Toren's biggest fault right now is that he bites people.  Mom, dad, brothers, little girls in the church nursery.  I am very relieved to say neither my husband nor I  bite people so that is all baby Toren.

My biggest prayer for my kids is that God will redeem those traits that will cause them pain.  I pray that Jaden will learn his value before he allows what others think to change him. I pray that Cael will learn to lose the illusion of control and just trust God before the cares of this world choke him out.  I pray that Owen will control his temper before he hurts someone with an axe or with his words.  I pray that Toren will stop biting before he gets kicked out of the nursery.
Amen